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James Altucher: Six simple ways to stay calm in difficult situations
One out of two people in the U.S. will consider suicide this year.
Someone asked me for a reference on that, but I am not a walking Wikipedia.
It’s like when my daughter told me that “on average, eight spiders crawl in your mouth while you sleep during any given year.” Where does she get that? She had no idea. Maybe she watched my mouth while I slept for a year.
So I can’t really speak for most people. I will speak for myself. I’m generally a calm person, but the other day I was very nervous.
I was invited to hear Rand Paul speak at a small, informal meeting. About a dozen well-known venture capitalists, investors, and CEOs were there.
I knew about half the people, and at least one of the people had publicly trashed me nine months before, even though he had never met me.
We were supposed to have some questions for Rand Paul but I had zero questions. There’s basically no issue I feel strongly enough about to ask, and I have no interest in politics…
We also were supposed to have a one-line bio ready. I have no one-line bio, nor do I aspire to have one.
So why go?
I thought it would be an interesting experience and it would take me ever-so-slightly outside of my comfort zone.
I like to stretch my boundaries at least once a day. For example, if you try to touch your toes each day, you get closer and closer each day until you can touch your toes, thus improving your flexibility.
But I was nervous. Nervous about Rand Paul… Nervous about the people I was intimidated by… Nervous to meet the guy who trashed me… Nervous that I didn’t have any questions or bios or anything interesting to say at all. I thought everyone would regret that I was invited.
The reality is: we’re all mammals in the jungle. All mammals feel nervous and stressed, and that triggers “survival” responses, even if no real threats exist.
For instance, if you are in the jungle by yourself at night and you hear a strange rustling in the bushes, the correct impulse might be to get really nervous and run as fast as possible, EVEN IF there is nothing in the bushes.
So don’t judge yourself for your nervousness. It’s OK.
But here is what I do to get myself less nervous and more calm.
As an aside, calm is better than “happy.”
“Happiness” is related to something external to you that gives you a temporary boost of either oxytocin, endorphins, serotonin, or dopamine. These are all neurochemicals that trigger happiness in the brain. They are both addictive and metabolized very quickly. Which means you need more and more to sustain happiness.
Hence, your instinct to become calm is a better instinct than the 21st century constant self-help desire to be happy all the time.
What I do to get calm:
A) DISTANCING
Instead of saying “I’m nervous,” I say “I’m feeling nervous,” or even better, “I’m noticing I’m feeling nervous.”
“Distancing” requires practice. The good thing is: there are plenty of opportunities all day long to practice distancing.
Pretty soon, you realize your consciousness and your nervousness are two completely different things. That means you don’t have to fight your nervousness, and it also means your nervousness doesn’t define you.
So you appear calm even if internally you notice you are feeling nervous. Because you are calm in those moments.
B) MINI-ME
Before a talk, I often get nervous. In fact, it’s out of the ordinary for me to NOT get nervous. BUT, I don’t like to be too scared.
So right before I go on stage, I “separate” myself.” There’s me, then there’s “mini-me.” Mini-me is the nervous parts of me. He’s usually smaller, a little younger, a little uglier (hard to believe), and sort of sniveling.
I comfort him. I say hello to him. He’s the nervous me. He will follow me onto the stage. But he’s not me.
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